Aquarius (January 21 – February 18)
Forget about your friends today. They will not be helping you if you are in trouble. As a matter of fact they will hate you for asking for help. This may be hard to swallow but look at the bright sight. Well, to be honest, there is no bright sight once everybody hates you. You are doomed.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You are such a damn asshole.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
First, look at yourself. Do you really have the talent to be a singer? Can you really sing? Whether you realize it or not (read: you are an idiot), someone is taking advantage of you, and guess what? Your version of Penawar Rindu sucks!! And your Tak Punya Siapa is no better.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will be having a financial difficulty for the next few days. Maybe you need to start seeing Ah Long today. Don’t worry about the sky rocketing interest. You could always kill the Ah Long later and dump the body inside the lake. P/s: you may also want to ask the policeman to ram him with the patrol car.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
This space is intentionally left blank.
Cancer (June 21 – July 21)
You will be suffering from all types of cancer, be it lung cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer and the chance of recovering is very low. Drive slowly, 80km/h on the federal road for next 3 months but there will still be idiots who drive recklessly. You may choose whether to die from cancer or road crash.
Leo (July 22- August 21)
If you are looking forward to the big next thing, you will be upset. The proposed “Perhimpunan 50,000 Mat Rempit” scheduled this November will be postponed to next year. You may proceed with the weekly gathering and try not to knock down an innocent child while doing so. Belia Benci Mat Rempit!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Be careful,
Someone might be in the process of stealing your identity.
A senator might be in the process of cloning your identity.
You might be in the process of losing you identity card or better know as MyKad
Someone is making a fuss about the word My in MyKad
MyKad is actually the combination of ISO abbreviation for Malaysia and Kad and should not be mistaken as Kad Saya.
Maybe next time we should shout MY BOLEH! instead Malaysia Boleh!
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The astrologer thinks that it will be a waste of time to prepare the prediction for you.
Scorpio (October 24 – November 21)
Like a scorpion, you sting! I mean stink!
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 20)
Please choose any one of the following which best suits your current state of mind:
1. Sharifah Aini when lying on the roadside in front of Sri Pentas in Ramadhan last year. (Hopefully that cctv will capture the image of my assailants and where the hell is the person who is suppose to spot me?)
Forget about your friends today. They will not be helping you if you are in trouble. As a matter of fact they will hate you for asking for help. This may be hard to swallow but look at the bright sight. Well, to be honest, there is no bright sight once everybody hates you. You are doomed.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
You are such a damn asshole.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
First, look at yourself. Do you really have the talent to be a singer? Can you really sing? Whether you realize it or not (read: you are an idiot), someone is taking advantage of you, and guess what? Your version of Penawar Rindu sucks!! And your Tak Punya Siapa is no better.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
You will be having a financial difficulty for the next few days. Maybe you need to start seeing Ah Long today. Don’t worry about the sky rocketing interest. You could always kill the Ah Long later and dump the body inside the lake. P/s: you may also want to ask the policeman to ram him with the patrol car.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
This space is intentionally left blank.
Cancer (June 21 – July 21)
You will be suffering from all types of cancer, be it lung cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer and the chance of recovering is very low. Drive slowly, 80km/h on the federal road for next 3 months but there will still be idiots who drive recklessly. You may choose whether to die from cancer or road crash.
Leo (July 22- August 21)
If you are looking forward to the big next thing, you will be upset. The proposed “Perhimpunan 50,000 Mat Rempit” scheduled this November will be postponed to next year. You may proceed with the weekly gathering and try not to knock down an innocent child while doing so. Belia Benci Mat Rempit!
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Be careful,
Someone might be in the process of stealing your identity.
A senator might be in the process of cloning your identity.
You might be in the process of losing you identity card or better know as MyKad
Someone is making a fuss about the word My in MyKad
MyKad is actually the combination of ISO abbreviation for Malaysia and Kad and should not be mistaken as Kad Saya.
Maybe next time we should shout MY BOLEH! instead Malaysia Boleh!
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The astrologer thinks that it will be a waste of time to prepare the prediction for you.
Scorpio (October 24 – November 21)
Like a scorpion, you sting! I mean stink!
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 20)
Please choose any one of the following which best suits your current state of mind:
1. Sharifah Aini when lying on the roadside in front of Sri Pentas in Ramadhan last year. (Hopefully that cctv will capture the image of my assailants and where the hell is the person who is suppose to spot me?)
2. Mawi when telling Ina that their engagement is over (I can now concentrate more on late night fishing)
3. Ina when receiving the news of her engagement from Mawi (Yes! Yes! Yes! Popular at last!)
4. Datuk K during the first night of his wedding ( mmmmmm…mmmmm…sambil mengusap misai)
5. Siti Nurhaliza during the first night of her wedding (mmmmm…mmmm.. apasal tak keras keras lagi ni?)
6. Arni Nazira after the divorce hearing (Mmmmusssttt….ffffiiiinnnddd Errrrr…aaaa, mmmmmmuussttt…fffiiiinnnddd…Erraaaaa)
7. Raja Ismail after finding out his has won a motorcycle after drinking Power Root Ali Café (Saya menang motor..!!)
Capricorn (December 21 – January 20)
Whatever you are supposed to be doing today it will be very difficult to keep your mind on the task in hand. Your creative tendencies are at their strongest today and so the last thing you will want to do is to stick to someone else’s schedule. On the positive side you will have the whole weekend to do your own thing!
-PP-
3. Ina when receiving the news of her engagement from Mawi (Yes! Yes! Yes! Popular at last!)
4. Datuk K during the first night of his wedding ( mmmmmm…mmmmm…sambil mengusap misai)
5. Siti Nurhaliza during the first night of her wedding (mmmmm…mmmm.. apasal tak keras keras lagi ni?)
6. Arni Nazira after the divorce hearing (Mmmmusssttt….ffffiiiinnnddd Errrrr…aaaa, mmmmmmuussttt…fffiiiinnnddd…Erraaaaa)
7. Raja Ismail after finding out his has won a motorcycle after drinking Power Root Ali Café (Saya menang motor..!!)
Capricorn (December 21 – January 20)
Whatever you are supposed to be doing today it will be very difficult to keep your mind on the task in hand. Your creative tendencies are at their strongest today and so the last thing you will want to do is to stick to someone else’s schedule. On the positive side you will have the whole weekend to do your own thing!
-PP-
2 comments:
coolness
am
Thank youness hehehehhe
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