If I Were to Own A Newspaper

Kalau saya ada duit, saya ada buat suratkhabar sendiri yang mempunya ciri ciri seperti berikut :

1. Berita muka depan mesti gempak gila untuk menarik perhatian pembaca. Kisah seks pelik, pelacur tua dan siswa melacur adalah topik yang hot. Seperti biasa, kalau ada gambar, saya akan blurkan gambar tu ataupun tangkap gambar dari belakang. Sebenarnya itu ialah gambar kawan saya ataupun saya curi dari internet. Facebook pun boleh jugak.

2. Berita dalam suratkhabar saya juga adalah amat mudah dan tidak mengandungi fakta yang lengkap. Contohnya, tempat kejadian adalah "di sebuah negeri di utara" ataupun pelaku adalah " seorang kakitangan swasta". Kadang kadang wartawan saya akan interview watak di dalam cerita saya. As usual, nama yang dipaparkan adalah bukan nama sebenar untuk menjaga maruah orang yang diinterview. Tidak ada orang akan saman saya walaupun saya mereka berita dan menipu. 

3. Bagi berita luar negara, saya ada ceduk dari internet. As long as saya letak perkatan AP or Reuter sebagai rujukan, saya akan selamat. Tak payah susah susah hantar wartawan pegi luar negara. Jimat kos.

4. Saya akan jual iklan saya kepada sesiapa sahaja termasuk kumpulan ah long yang berlakon sebagai pemimjam wang berlesen. Saya juga akan jual iklan kepada agensi keputusan nombor ekor melalui SMS secara halus. Saya akan gunakan iklan "ON MKT" untuk mengaburi mata masyarakat bahawa itu ialah sebenarnya membawa maksud Magnum, Kuda dan Toto. Tidak lupa juga saya akan jual iklan kepada Dr. Rozmey supaya dia boleh merapu dengan filem akan datangnya yang akan mencapai kutipan 80 bilion ringgit. Pecah panggung konon.

5. Sudah pasti suratkhabar saya akan diterbitkan dalam bahasa Melayu kerana orang melayu memang suka baca pasal benda pelik pelik. Kisah nenek 60 tahun kena rogol pun orang suka baca. Stim lebih katanya.

6. Seminggu sekali saya akan adakan ruangan untuk pembaca berkongsi masalah masalah bodoh mereka seperti sukakan rakan sejenis dan rasa rendah diri kerana gemuk. Saya juga akan adakan ruangan tentang kesihatan kelamin lelaki dan wanita. Topik paling popular sudah pasti penyakit keputihan wanita, tetek besar sebelah dan kemaluan lelaki bengkok ke atas.

7. Saya akan namakan suratkhabar saya Harian Metrok.

-PP-

Julia Perez Penipu....

I wasted 90 minutes of my life watching AFF Suzuki Cup final last night. Julia Perez  is such a liar. Damn!

Congratulations to the Malaysian Team anyhow.

-PP-

How Malaysia Won First Leg Against Indonesian

The Indonesians are claiming that they lost the first leg of the AFF Suzuki cup final because of the laser beam.

Either these Indonesians are stupid or the Malaysians beaming the laser were damn accurate for being able to direct the laser beam on the face of Indonesian goalkeeper without fail, everytime.

I also read that Julia Perez, an actress from Indonesia will be exposing part of her breast to distract Malaysian players during the second leg of the final. It make me wonder on how is she going to do that. Running around in the middle of the field, perhaps? Or her breast are as huge as hell that they can be easily spotted among a few thousands of spectators in the stadium?

I now have a good reason for not to miss this final.

-PP-

Beware of The Dark Side

If you have ever watched Star Wars, you may have come across the term the Dark Side. In relation to Star Wars, the are basically two sides, the good side i.e the Jedi and the bad side which, the characters are basically influenced by the dark side of the force. If you are to dumb to understand this, you may stop reading now.

In real life, we can equate this dark side to bad people or bad thing.

On the road though, the dark side is well known for demonstrating and showing off their stupidity. You can easily spotted the people from the dark side on the road from far away. Not to mention on how the way the car (even though it is just the first generation of Proton Saga) is being driven. Crazy.

Beware of the dark side and drive safe.

-PP-

Penyelesaian Kepada Jenayah Penipuan

Sejak kebelakangan ini terdapat banyak kes penipuan yang didedahkan di akhbar. Walaupun bermacam cara telah dilakukan oleh pihak berwajib untuk mencegah kes kejadian penipuan ini, masih ramai lagi orang yang akan tertipu.

Saya ada satu cara yang paling mudah untuk mengurangkan jenayah penipuan ini. Hukum sahaja orang yang kena tipu. Setiap kali mereka pergi ke biro pengaduan awam MCA untuk menceritakan masalah mereka, jangan layan. Setiap kali mereka pegi balai polis untuk buat repot, sumbat mereka dalam lokap.

Tuduhan : kerana terlalu bodoh dan percaya cara yang mudah untuk mendapatkan duit.

Saya percaya lepas ni kita takka baca pasal kes penipuan kat suratkhabar lagi. Menteri pun boleh rilek sikit.

-PP-

Facebook Yang Menjengkelkan

Majoriti pengguna Facebook, jika tidak semua, menggunakan Facebook untuk bermegah megah dan menunjukkan kemewahan harta benda serta kesenangan diri semada ada secara terang terangan seperti upload gambar rumah baru atau secara terselindung seperti update status "syukur, rumah kami siap akhirnya".

That is why kita tak pernah nampak orang miskin dan orang susah ada account Facebook. Mereka tidak ada apa yang hendak dimegahkan.

-PP-

p/s: Search and like for page Untuk Orang Biasa Biasa Je at Facebook if you are like me.

Sudah Sudah La Anwar Ibrahim....

I have had enough. I personally think Anwar Ibrahim is stupid. He thinks with his dick (in someone else ass). Get done with it Anwar. Face the trial and stop postponing on a stupid reason.

Anwar Ibrahimn is a stupid as Nabil who did not want to comment about his kissing act exposed by the media recently. The different is that, Anwar denies that he did commit anal intercourse with Saiful. For Nabil though,  "No Comment" is as good as "I did it",  you idiot.

-PP-

Busy....

Kind of busy lately.

Will be right back later.

Till then, you are still an idiot.

-PP-

Raja Lawak

Anwar Ibrahim, Nik Aziz dan Dr. Rozmey dikatakan telah menubuhkan sebuah kumpulan lawak bagi menyertai pertandingan Raja Lawak Astro musim terbaru ini.  Berpandukan kepada andaian untuk menumpang populariti dan tuah kumpulan Sepah, Nik Aziz dan Dr Rozmey telah mencadangkan agar kumpulan mereka dinamakan Sumpah.

Bagaimanapun, cadangan tersebut telah ditentang sekeras kerasnya oleh Anwar Ibrahim kerana bimbang menimbulkan persepsi masyarakat tentang keengganannya bersumpah terhadap tuduhan liwat seperti yang dilakukan oleh Saiful.

Hasil perbincangan, mereka akhrnya bersetuju untuk menamakan kumpulan mereka sebagai kumpulan Sampah.

-PP-

Fakta Tentang Lawak

Fakta 1.
Harian Metro merupakan akhbar yang paling lawak. Ketika akhbar lain sibuk dengan berita berita tentang bencana, tragedi, politik dll, Harian Metro lebih senang bercerita tentang siswi melacur, pusat urut batin dan sebagainya. Yang paling kelakar, cerita tentang rahsia kegebuan janda Akhil Hay, Maizawati. Tang mana gebu pun ntah la.


Fakta 2.
Lupakan majalah Ujang atau Gila Gila dan yang seangkatan dengannya sebagai majalah lawak yang mengungguli pasaran negara. Majalah paling kelakar sekarang ini ialah majalah Mastika, dengan cerita cerita yang susah nak diterima akal dan gaya penulisan yang memang kelakar. Mastika, sebuah majalah ilmiah pada satu ketika dahulu sekarang menjadi majalah lawak antarabangsa. Tahniah.


Fakta 3.
Kedudukan Anwar Ibrahim sebagai Raja Lawak nombor satu Malaysia kini tergugat dengan kehadiran Dr. Rozmey. Anwar yang berjaya menduduki takhta dengan lawak jenaka 16 September selama 2 tahun telah dikalahkan oleh Dr. Rozmey dengan lawak 40 juta dan yang terbaru, mengundang Pamela Anderson untuk berlakon dalam filem terbitan yang akan datang. Syabas DDR !! (Nik Aziz sedang mengejar dari belakang dengan lawak pangkah PAS masuk syurga)


-PP-

Easy Successful Formula

Followings are the list of characteristic and quality for becoming a successful person in any organisation, such as corporate and political party :

Brilliant

Obedient

Discipline

Efficient

Knowledgeable

It is easy. Just remember BODEK.

-PP-

Dua Alam

Saya hidup dalam dua alam. Pertama, di alam fantasi, jumlah pembaca blog ini adalah seramai 40 juta orang. Tetapi, di alam realiti cuma beberapa kerat sahaja. Itu pun secara tak sengaja sebab "google" hantu kopek.

Kalau Dua Alam Dr. Rozmey mampu memecah panggung, dua alam saya cuma sekadar memecah punggung.

Terima kasih Dr. kerana membuat saya tersenyum.

-PP-

Spritual Posting

A little bit on the serious side :

"Syurga dan neraka adalah urusan Tuhan untuk hambanya samada yang taat atau yang ingkar terhadap tuntutanNya"

...... and now, on the not so serious note :

"Syurga dan neraka bukanlah urusan Nik Aziz dan konco konconya"

Pangkah PAS masuk syurga konon.

-PP-

Lambang Keagungan Cinta

Jika Romeo dan Juliet serta Shah Jehan dan Mumtaz menjadi lambang keagungan cinta masyarakat Barat dan India, kita di Malaysia juga boleh berbangga dengan kisah cinta Mek Wook dan Mohd Nor.

Keagungan cinta Mek Wook terhadap suaminya dibuktikan dengan sanggup bersusah payah membuang wang ringgit dan masa untuk menjamin suaminya yang ditangkap kerana menghisap dadah buat kali kedua.

Sebagai lambang kasih sayang terhadap Mek Wook, suaminya patut membina sebuah tunggu cinta seperti Taj Mahal di pusat pemulihan dadah yang seterusnya.

Semoga perkahwinan Mek Wook dan suaminya kekal hingga ke akhir hayat. Nak cakap kekal hingga ke anak cucu rasanya macam tak kena sebab tak mungkin Mek Wook boleh beranak lagi.

-PP-

Antara Dua Pilihan

I just came back from a day trip to Singapore and I observed a significant difference between Changi Airport and KLIA in term of the toilets. This is just my observation and I don't really care if you do not agree with me.

In Changi Airport, the toilets are plentiful and easily located while in KLIA you really need to look for the toilet to find one. For majority of us, the toilet in KLIA is better because there is water compared to the toilet in Changi Airport which is of the "tissue" type, if you get what am I trying to say.

In case of an "emergency" however, I prefer to be in Changi Airport (tissue pun tissue la) rather than making fool of myself for being "terkucil" in the pants, while searching for a toilet, in front of few hundred people consisting of the followings:

1. Stewardess
2. Pilots
3. Penjual arak dan rokok bebas cukai
4. Perempuan indon tukang cuci toilet
5. Bangla tukang tolak troli
6. Ulat teksi
7. Perempuan indon tukang sapu lantai
8. Perempuan Myanmar yg sedang menunggu kapal terbang untuk ke Cambodia.

-PP-

One Happy Groin

With the abolishment of the import duty for underwear by the Government in the 2011 Budget, I can now shop for Calvin Klein undies and no more wearing those cheap "pasar malam" underwear.

Thanks to the Government, my groin will be singing happily now.

1 Malaysia Rocks, Calvin Klein Rocks !

-PP-

Iklan : Syarikat Pengeluar Kondom

Selain dari alat pencegah kehamilan, kondom juga berfungsi untuk mengelakkan penyebaran penyakit yang berjangkit melalui hubungan seksual.

Oleh itu, pakailah kondom ketika meliwat budak pembancuh kopi anda. Walaupun tiada kemungkinan untuk hamil, penggunaan kondom boleh mencegah penyakit merbahaya yang disebarkan melalui hubungan seks, samada ikut tabie atau tidak.

Sila ambil perhatian bahawa meliwat adalah haram di sisi agama dan merupakan kesalahan jenayah.

Belia benci liwat !!

-PP-
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Idiots Are Friends

These are a few people (not in particular order) that somehow or rather have an influence to my life :

1. Anwar Ibrahim
2. Ayah Pin
3. Samy Velu
4. Dr. Rozmey 40 juta

What they have in common is the proof that people are easily fooled. Take Ayah Pin for example, his followers includes professionals from the big cities. Samy Velu too, almost reach immortality by being the longest serving MIC President.
Make friends with idiots and you will be highly regarded.

-PP-
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Advice For Guys

Guys, take this advice from me. Once you are married, try to put yourself in your wife's shoes. You might like nagging and shopping.

-PP-
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

This, I Tell You, Cannot Work

I found this proverbs puzzling -

Sambil Menyelam Minum Air - Should anyone tries this and survive from drowning, feel free to leave a comment. I want to learn how.

Nasi Dah Menjadi Bubur - Never seen this happen in my life before. Bubur jadi nasi hangus tu pernah la.

-PP-

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Definition of Irony

Simple definition of irony goes like this :-

"Hujan ni, nak pegi swimming jugak ke? Nanti basah "

-PP-

Malaysia Needs A Smarter Villain

I read in the newspaper about two geniuses being detained by the Police for allegedly extorting money from an Indian housewife for the safe relief of her husband who went missing for quite sometime ago.


The money was supposed to be the down payment for the ransom to release her "kidnapped" husband,  from the total of 1 million ransom.


Aisey, what were you thinking dudes? Hire Purchase plan like, pay the down payment and we will deliver your husband with the balance to be paid on a monthly fixed installment for certain period of time? What happen if the wife default on the monthly payment? Send someone to reposes the husband?


We really in need of smarter villains....


-PP-

You Call Me Just Now?

I hate this.

Quite a few times I called someone but the call went unanswered. Fair enough, maybe the person was busy or something.  A short while later, I received SMS asking something like " U call me just now?" or "Ada call I ke tadi?". 

I wish I could respond with something like this - "Nope, I did not, it was my smartphone (obviously, smarter than u). Everyday, it will scan the address book and automatically place a call to the idiot of the day. Tq for making my day."

-PP-

Iklan - Ada Apa Dengan Radhi OAG

Radhi OAG is an idiot.

I was first want to say that Radhi OAG is a clown but that would be an insult to the clowns all over the world who dedicated their life entertaining people and much loved by everybody especially the children.

So, stupid he is.

(Please Google for Radhi's stupid act)

On a related note, showing "Peace" sign to the reporter while in lock up uniform for a drug related charge is not smart either. 

-PP-

Saturday Groceries Shopping

I live in Selangor. Every Saturday, in conjunction with the State Government "Love The Environment" campaign, plastic bags cost 20 sen, at least, this is the practiced of the hypermarket and convenient store statewide. Petty traders just don't care. Plastic bag or no plastic bag , they need to run the business.

I once asked what happen to the 20 sen paid for the plastic bag and was made to understand that it will go to the charity which is good, if it really goes to charity la.

Despite having to pay for the plastic bag, I love doing groceries shopping on Saturday. Hassle free, as there are not so many people around. I am not an environmentalist, I guess but I do contribute 20 sen for a good cause.

The other people who are not doing their shopping on Saturday are not environmentalist either. They are just damn stingy to come out with 20 sen. They shop on the other day and ask for plastic bags and this time for FREE. What a loser......

Save Khalid Ibrahim, Save The Environment.

-PP-

Facebook......

I was kind of bored, so I have this thought of leaving a comment to every status update by my friends in Facebook, except for the followings:

1. Bragging status such as "I am so cute", my son is so smart.

2. Stupid question status like "Nak makan kat mana ek hari ni? Who the fuck cares, I don't even know your location, stupid.

3. Display of affection, things like I love you, darling, between unmarried couple. Helloo....private messaging was created for a reason.

4. Religious related status.

5. Political inclined status (except for Samy Vellu)

6. Less than 5 words status.

I end of staring at my computer for the rest of the day.

-PP-

Artis Malaysia dan Gurauan

Artis Malaysia memang pandai bergurau.

Mula2 Noh dengan gurauan awak busuk kat student. Then Mazlan Pet Pet dengan lawak buah lucah buah limau depan tetek perempuan ntah mana ntah. (Edited : Ok, perempuan mana ntah tu ialah Wangi from the Fabulous Cat, elok la tu, sorang busuk, sorang wangi)

Alasan dia orang senang je. Hanya bergurau. Good thing is that I can now cakap Noh busuk too. Gurau maaaa, takkan nak ambik hati kot?

Tapi artis Malaysia yang paling kuat bergurau, at least for me, ialah Siti Nurhaliza. Dulu tudung tutup abis, sekarang dah makin jauh ke belakang, macam sanggul je dah.

Korang busuk !!

-PP-

Hidup Umpama Roda

I am trying to be creative by composing a poet. Here it goes :

Sawi

Namamu pernah dijunjung tinggi

Tak kira ke mana kau pergi

Pasti ada yang mengekori

Sawi

Hidup ini umpama roda

Tak kira roda basikal atau pun kereta

Sampai masa akan tiba jua

Manusia mudah lupa

Sawi

Cukup cukup la tayang bini

Biarje la dia jadi duta tudung Ariani

Nanti orang jadi bertambah benci

Silap haribulan kena "boo" lagi

Sawi

Or is it Mawi ?

I can't even get your name right, see?

Proof that you are no longer somebody

Maybe just to me, or it could be to everybody.

-PP-

My Most Hit Page

I have said this before but I am going to repeat it one more time.

Apparently, the most hit page in my blog is the one about the interview tips or Panduan Menghadapi Temuduga.

Strange enough, none of this people ever thank me for the tips, which I would not really mind. Maybe these job seekers have yet to be successful with the interview.

This could mean only two things. First, they are really bad and screwed up during the interview. Or they just did not practise of what being read.

Talk about giving a bad tip, huh?

-PP-

I have been busy....

For those who are wondering what happen to me, I am still around. It is just that I was quite tight up with my work commitment (yes, I am working) that refrained me from updating this blog.

I guess I will not be a able to constantly update this blog nor post a lengthy entry in future. It will be short entry from now onwards, again, provided that I have the opportunity to do so.

I will now leave you with the most inspirational quote by the greatest leader ever known to mankind - " With great power comes lifetime presidency" - Samy Vellu.

-PP- 

Pesakit Mental... and I Have Never Bashed Anwar Ibrahim Before.....

Sejak kebelakangan ni, banyak betul Pipi baca pasal kisah bunuh kat suratkhabar. Mula mula kisah bunuh 4 beranak kat Negeri Sembilan. Pastu pulak kisah anak mengamuk bunuh bapak kat Terengganu.

Lepas tu negara dikejutkan dengan kisah budak 3 tahun kena sepak sampai mati oleh teman lelaki mak dia. Terbaru, seorang kanak kanak berumur 18 bulan mati akibat di dera oleh pengasuh. 

Pipi percaya mereka yang terlibat dalam kejadian bunuh atau dera ni ada masalah mental. Orang siuman tak akan kerat kepala pastu bawak pegi Shah Alam untuk suka suka. Yang kat Terengganu tu katanya dengar suara halus suruh bunuh bapak dia (suara korok mok mung!). 

Abang Mat pun ada masalah mental jugak. Mungkin dia tak berapa suka bawak teksi sebab kena pakai meter. Pipi agak je la. Orang gila je yang sanggup dera kanak kanak sampai mati.  Hari ni pun ada sorang lagi kena bunuh dgn kawan baik, Pipi ulang, kawan baik sebab cemburu. Tak ke mental tu?

Tapi Pipi rasa pesakit mental yang paling kronik sekali ialah DS Anwar Ibrahim. First there was 16 September, we have the numbers!!. Then liwat pulak. Pastu taknak sumpah. Dok buat wayang ke sana sini nak justify yang kononnya dia teraniaya. Asik asik la cakap konspirasi. Pastu asik la tangguh kes. Dulu cakap "Saya mesti lawan". Sekarang cakap "Saya mesti tangguh". Kalau betul tak liwat, lawan la kat court. Now, ramai pulak MP dengan ADUN Parti Kencing Rakyat keluar parti. Lagi la bertambah mental.......

Disclaimer -  I am not affiliated to any political party.

-PP-

Funny Quote of The Day

This, I quote from Utusan Online dated 1 Mac 2010:


"Mereka turut mengeluarkan kata-kata kesat kepada anggota penguat kuasa JHEAINS sambil mendakwa tindakan menangkap penceramah itu tidak wajar serta mencemarkan imej agama Islam." Read further here.


Funny........ tangkap penceremah mencemarkan imej Islam, maki orang boleh pulak?


-PP-

It Can't Be Any Dumber

It was kind of funny to read about the MACC investigation officer charged for soliciting bribe from an individual for not to investigate that individual for another bribery case.

This is as bad as a religious department officer asking for a sexual favour in return for not taking action against couples caught for close proximity.

While bribery is bad, I would understand if it happen to someone from another government agencies. But an MACC Officer? This is really stupid.

I thought I am done laughing when suddenly I read about Shidee, the used to be popular singer, at his 50s, married the daughter of his used to be girlfriend. Harian Metro and Melodi would be jumping in joy.

-PP-

Gambar Amaran Di Kotak Rokok Memang Berkesan

Hari tu Pipi kat kedai. Depan Pipi ada seorang lelaki nak beli rokok. Bila dapat rokok, dia belek belek kotak rokok tu then tanya "Ada gambar lain tak?". Pipi nampak kat kotak tu gambar lung cancer.

So tokeh kedai pun ambik kotak lain, kali ni gambar kanser tekak pulak. Lepas dua tiga kali belek terus dia ambik, bayar duit dan chow.

So, siapa kata kempen letak gambar kat kotak rokok tak berkesan? At least Pipi tahu orang lagi takut kanser paru paru dari kanser tekak.

-PP-

What The Fuss....Kartika?

I read in the newspaper that three women have been canned for having illicit sex recently, with no publicity, no media attention whatsoever. Kartika Sari, on the other hand is full of drama. First there was a delay, then the Minister, then the human right groups and NGOs,  then the divorce, then the Royals. What's next Kartika? A movie perhaps?

Kalau nak sebat, sebat je la. Bukan sampai mati pun.

-PP-

Happy Chinese New Year.......and a dumb act

It cannot be any dumber.

You are on Facebook. You limit your profile to be viewed only by certain people. You have no Chinese in your friends's list. Yet, your status says " Happy Chinese New Your to all my Chinese friends". Damn!!

-PP-

Why Proceed If We Can Postpone?

I was to publish this post a few days ago but I decided to postpone the process until now. Why? Because I can and I want to.

Unlike the sodomy trial of DS Anwar Ibrahim, my action of postponing this posting would not affect anybody, except for a few who stumbled upon this blog searching for "hard nipples" - you sickos!

The postponement of DS Anwar Ibrahim sodomy trial on the other hand would create various perception and unnecessary asssumptions. Not to mention the waste of Prosecutors time, the reporters' effort of having to queue for the court hearing pass and public eagerness in knowing on whether did DS Anwar Ibrahim really stick his penis inside Saiful's ass or not.

Seems that the phrase "Can I Fuck You Today?" is here to stay......for a long long time for sure.

-PP-

Betul Ke Ni.....?

Lepas baca berita kat atas, Pipi jadi confuse:

1. Sejak bila pulak kerajaan Melaka jadi busy body dan melibatkan diri dalam hal ehwal telecommunication? Seingat Pipi, 3G, GPRS etc are provided by Telcos macam Maxis ke, Celcom ke, Digi ke, to name a few.


2. Nanti semua nelayan kat Melaka dapat handphone yang ada 3G dengan GPRS free ke? 

3. Dengan ada GPRS, nelayan tak boleh lagi sesat ke dalam perairan negara jiran bila pergi tangkap ikan. Handphone Pipi pun ada GPRS,  I am so left behind. Tak tau pulak yang GPRS boleh bagi panduan kedudukan Pipi. Dalam phone manual takde pulak cerita pasal ni.

4. GPRS ke GPS ni?

-PP-

No, I Can't Read

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Thanks to this dude, I not need to post a lengthy entry today.

No, don't worry, he was not dead. He was no longer there the second time I passed by. Poor guy, he just can't read.

-PP-

Cerita Orang Bodoh

Cerita orang bodoh seperti mana yang dilaporkan oleh Utusan Malaysia, 30 Januari 2010:

1. Dua orang kerja kastam, sorang kerja Pejabat Tanah. Kena charge terima rasuah. Nilai rasuah tak boleh pun buat beli rumah. Nak bayar duit lawyer pun susah. Rasuah memang salah. Lain kali mintak besar punya jumlah. Upah lawyer bagus senang nak lepas walaupun memang salah. Ntah apa la punya masalah. Orang lain senang lenang jual pasir, korang tiga orang gak yang susah.

2. Kisah 2 beradik yang pangkal nama Raja. Lagi sorang tu mungkin ikut sebab suka suka. Takde kerja dok nak bakar gereja. Nampak pada berita macam nak bakar diri sendiri sahaja. Kesan melecur ada kat tangan dan juga kat muka. Gila punya kerja. Kalau nak bakar diri sendiri pun jangan la buat kat gereja. Tak pasal pasal orang UMNO yang kena.

3. Ni seriously gila punya kerja. Orang dah mati pun dia nak buat cerita. Kena hentam sini, kena hentam sana. End up, naik court je la dia. Pandai pulak “Not Guilty" katanya. Esok jemput la datang kenduri kahwin saya. Dengar cerita kenduri kahwin tak kurang meriahnya. Walaupun pengantin lelaki gundah gulana. Bukan apa, takut belum apa apa bini dah jadi janda.

4. Kisah amoi yang tak reti bahasa. Konon nak tackle boifren dari Amerika. Last last kena mamat Afrika. Apa nak buat, amoi dah bogel depan web kamera. Sekarang dah kena ugut dan sebar gambar bogel dia. Kenapa la bodo sangat senang nak percaya. Kat Malaysia ni dah tak ramai pakwe ke? Kalau nak bogel sangat, Playboy kan ada? Apa Pipi boleh cakap ialah padan muka!

-PP-

Pipi Rasa....

Pipi rasa......:

1. Pipi pandai.

2. Nak menangis bila dapat tau yang Fahrin Ahmad menangis masa press conference nak saman bekas awek dia. Huhuhu....buat malu je menangis sebab kena buli dengan Linda Onn.

3. Malaysia patut mengamalkan sistem dua parti politik. Satu parti untuk orang bodoh dan satu lagi parti untuk orang bodoh jugak.

4. Mengantuk.

5. Orang yang bawak motor pastu langgar lembu kat tengah jalan adalah lagi lembu dari lembu.

-PP-

I HATE YOU....!!

I HATE YOU! In fact I hate all of you….!! I can write this sentence once or I can write it 40,000 times or maybe I can get some 40,000 people to write the same sentence just for fun.

So, what are you going to do? Lodge a police report (for tarnishing your image) or just ignore the remarks (for the fear that it might hurt your feeling).

Maybe I should start my own fan page of “ I hate Pipi”( as if it was created by someone else) in Facebook and see how many idiots who would register as fans.

Oh man, I am starting to love this Facebook already.

-PP-

Harian Metro Sure Has An Amusing Story

Metro Ahad has never failed me in providing amusing story to cheer up my Sunday. Click HERE for the latest amusing news that I found when "browsing" the paper yesterday. In short, it was a story about a man who was ill treated by his wife(gila) who is having an affair with another man (pun gila jugak) but still loves her (semua gila).

I do not know how true the story is (remember the Restoran Berahi episode?) or does such a man exist, but to Imran, if you really exist, you are sure one hell of a total loser and a perfect idiot. Should it was a fabricated story, then kudos to Harian Metro for making fool of the rest of you guys. (Not me, I was just browsing, not reading).

And Imran, again, if you really exist, in between you legs, just below your abdomen, there is a thing created for man called dick (melayu - kote, cina - lancau, india - pundek, punai - untuk kanak kanak belum baligh). Dick comes with balls. Maybe you do not need these two things after all.

-PP-

Kesimpulan Hasil Dari Membelek Harian Metro

I was first thinking of posting this in English but afraid that I can't get the message across. So here I am, posting this in Bahasa Melayu for the benefit of all (go ahead, call me arrogant, I wouldn't mind).

Pipi ada membelek Harian Metro beberapa hari lepas. Sebelum itu sila ambil perhatian yang Pipi membelek dan bukan membaca (more about this later). Hasil dari belekan tersebut Pipi telah berjaya membuat kesimpulan berikut:

1. Orang Melayu (yang tidak pandai) gemar berjudi.

2. Orang Melayu (yang tidak pandai) suka berhutang.

3. Artis merupakan role model kepada orang Melayu (yang tidak pandai.)

Rasional kesimpulan Pipi adalah seperti berikut:

1. Harian Metro adalah akhbar berbahasa Melayu di mana majoriti pembeli dan pembacanya adalah orang Melayu. Agak jarang melihat orang bukan Melayu mengelek Harian Metro kecuali apek atau tambi pembeli suratkhabar lama. Oleh yang demkian, sudah pasti segala macam berita (benar atau bohong atau exaggerate) , iklan, pengumuman etc ditujukan untuk orang Melayu.

2. Terdapat begitu banyak sekali iklan untuk mendapatkan keputusan Magnum 4D, Sports Toto melalui SMS di dalam Harian Metro. Sudah tentu iklan ini ditujukan untuk pembaca Melayu yang gemar berjudi atau kaki nombor ekor dari kalangan orang Melayu. Pelik, satu pihak berusaha untuk membenteras penglibatan orang Melayu Islam dalam aktiviti perjudian, satu pihak lagi bersungguh sungguh mengiklankan cara untuk mendapatkan keputusan nombor ekor melalui sms.

3. Selain dari iklan keputusan nombor ekor, terdapat banyak juga iklan pemberi pinjaman berlesen. Terdapat juga iklan pinjaman yang dikhaskan untuk Bumiputera (yang majoritinya ialah orang Melayu) sahaja.

4. Iklan kursus perkahwinan selalunya meletakkan gambar artis yang menghadiri kursus di tempat mereka sebagai daya tarikan. Instead of focusing on the course content, mereka lebih fokus untuk menonjolkan siapakah artis terkenal yang menghadiri kursus di tempat mereka. Hasilnya, iklan penuh dengan gambar artis. As if, kalau pergi kursus kat situ akan bahagialah perkahwinan hingga sepanjang hayat, sedangkan artis bukanlah role model yang bagus untuk tujuan tersebut.

Berdasarkan kepada rasional Pipi mungkin tidak salah bagi Pipi membuat kesimpulan yang dinyatakan di atas. Ini belum lagi diambil kira iklan iklan untuk kote orang Melayu seperti iklan minyak lintah dan yang seakannya.

-PP-

Geng Bas Sekolah ......Geng Tak Sekolah

GBS atau Geng Bas Sekolah merupakan satu geng yang paling popular di kalangan kanak kanak pada masa sekarang.

Umum bagaimanapun tidak berapa mengetahui akan kewujudan lagi satu geng yang menggelarkan diri mereka GTS, satu nama yang diambil untuk menumpang populariti GBS.

Peranan Pipi di sini ialah untuk menyampaikan maklumat dan mewujudkan kesedaran kepada orang ramai tentang kewujudan GTS dan tahap ancaman mereka terhadap orang awam.

GTS ini jika dikaji secara mendalam terdiri daripada beberapa sub geng atau hybrid yang jugak dipanggil GTS. Pipi akan cuba menerangkan dengan terperinci tentang sub GTS ini untuk faedah semua.

GTS yang pertama ialah Geng Tak Sekolah. Adalah tidak susah untuk mengesan GTS jenis ini. Mereka ini selalu dikesan ketika memotong barisan di trafik light pada waktu puncak dan menyumbang kepada kesesakan jalanraya. Ahli geng ini juga tidak segan silu menggunakan laluan kecemasan di lebuhraya untuk cepat sampai. Majoriti ahli Geng Tak Sekolah merupakan "affiliate member" kepada Geng Tak Sabar dan Geng Tak Siuman. Tahap keganasan - Teramat Dungu.

GTS yang kedua ialah Geng Thaksin Shinawatra. Geng ini beroperasi di negara jiran dan tidak menimbulkan ancaman secara langsung terhadap orang awam di negara ini. Geng ini terkenal dengan kesetiaan yang tak berbelah bagi terhadap ketua dan juga pengasas GTS ini, yang setakat ini, masih lagi berjaya mengelakkan diri dari ditangkap oleh pihak berkuasa Thailand. Pengikut geng ini juga sanggup bersusah payah untuk ketua mereka yang bersenang lenang di luar negara. Tahap keganasan - Agak Dungu.

GTS yang ketiga ialah Geng Tok Se. To Se adalah loghat Kelantan yang jika diterjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Melayu standard bermaksud Tak Nak. Jadi pada dasarnya Geng Tok Se ialah Geng Tak Nak. GTS ini biasanya dianggotai oleh public figure seperti artis dan juga ahli politik. Antara kegiatan ahli GTS ini yang menarik perhatian umum ialah artis wanita yang tok se mengaku yang dia sebernya sudah ber kahwin dengan ahli politik dan juga seorang ahli politik yang tok se bersumpah tapi perangai macam sumpah sumpah dan pandai menyumpah. Tahap keganasan - Dungu.

Hybrid atau sub geng GTS yang terakhir dan terganas ialah Geng Tak Sembahyang. Ahli geng ini tidak takutkan sesiapa termasuk Tuhan. Mereka ini mudah dikesan jika ada perlawanan akhir bola sepak, konsert percuma dan apa apa juga aktiviti hiburan. Tahap keganasan - Dirahsiakan.

Selain daripada GTS di atas terdapat beberapa kumpulan serpihan GTS yang lain seperti Geng Tak Senonoh dan Geng Tak Sopan. Kegiatan mereka ini agak terbatas kepada mengorek hidung di dalam kereta di atas jalan yang sesak dan juga cara berpakaian. GTS ini tidak menimbulkan ancaman yang serius. Sesetengah lelaki mungkin agak teruja apabila berjumpa dengan ahli wanita Geng Tak Sopan kerana, bersesuain dengan nama, pakain mereka agak tak sopan dan mendedahkan.

-PP-

Women Tennis ....... And Nipples

Watching the women game in Australian Open make me wonder why most of the players are having a hard on nipples. By the way, this is the best that you can get when it comes todisplaying a hard on nipples on television without any censorship.

My understanding is that, women nipples will become hard if the owner of the nipples is aroused. Maybe hitting the ball hard is a sexual stimulant to a women.

If this hypothesis is true, we might be seeing a woman tennis player reaches an orgasm at the final game of 5 sets. I would love to see this happen. Just imagine, a woman reaching orgasm in front of few thousand people, live. Not to mention a few hundred thousand else watching on TV . This is better than the orgasm faked by those stupid actress in hard core porn movies.

Maybe the TV station would consider changing the classification of women tennis game to 18SX in future.

-PP-

The RM10,000 Comment

I read about a student who was charged in the court for leaving an intimidating comment in Facebook in the NST last week.

For not being able to post the RM 10,000 bail, the student is to be detained in the police lock up until next Monday.

I can't understand why he left that stupid comment, trying to be cool maybe, but that action sure cost him his future. By the way, the police report was lodged by a member of a political party.

There are few things that can be learned from this. First, make sure you have a lot of money before committing any crime as it would be helpful. This has been demonstrated by a few of high profile criminal cases before. If you are just a 25 year old student, then, best of luck.

Secondly, intimidating comment is not everybody traits. You might get away if you are a politician. Finally, as much as possible, try not to have any political party member in your social networking friend list to avoid unnecessary trouble.

It make think though. Since the police report was made by a member of a political party, maybe the student could ask for the assistance from the opposing political party to post the bail. Any political party would love to gain the mileage over the current "We are sharing the same God now" situation.

-PP-

Pipi...For The Past Year

For those who are wondering what happened to me for the past years, followings are a few things that I could share with all of you:

1. I learned origami. Not the original paper folding origami but a simpler version. Instead of using paper, I was taught to use praying mat. I swear it was damn simple as we only need to learn a few of Muslim prayer position. I passed with flying colours. My first practical experience - Masjid Kristal, Terengganu.

2. Trying to make a living as a stuntman. Chickened out during my first task when the coordinator asked me to lie on the road in front of a moving car in Perak. It was just not my cup if tea. So, I quit, but that makcik, I can tell you is sure one hell of a dare devil.

3. Got myself a smart phone. Well, it was a gift actually. Owning a smart phone makes me even smarter. Not everybody will benefit from a smartphone though. You can easily spot t an idiot using a smartphone just for show.

4. I joined the bandwidth by having a Facebook account. I can't really understand why I did this in the first place, peer pressure or maybe just trying to be "in". Update my status only after a year, leave a comment to one of my lucky friends once or twice a month, never accept any invitation or gift from others and never bother to join any group at all. I guess I am not the socializing via website type of person. I think it's lame and not real. Facebook, to some is just for showing off on how lucky or good or wealthy you are compared to the other unfortunate people. By the way, if I have enough fans, I'll create a group called...you bet...You Are Still An Idiot.

Till next time.....

-PP-

To Blog ...Or Not To Blog

Hello,

For those who are wondering of what happened to me...I am still alive and now contemplating on whether to continue witting and posting my opinion on this blog or not.

With all those stupidities happening around, maybe I should. Or, I could just pretend that every single idiot has been wiped out from the face of the earth.

I might take me another six months, if not forever, before I could really make up my mind. You know, only fools will rush and smart ass like me, take full consideration before making any decision. (Next time please don't blame the government agency for the delay in taking any action. They are not ineffective, they are just considering the issues thoroughly).

Meanwhile, watch this space......

-PP-