Pipi Pun Cuci Tandas Sendiri Jugak

This is the excerpt from the phone conversation that I had with someone (a lady) working with a mainstream newspaper when I called her about publishing the story about me cleaning the toilet.


Pipi : Hello

The Lady : Hello

Pipi : Can you publish a story about me cleaning the toilet, please?

The Lady : Sorry, I can’t do that.

Pipi : Why?

The Lady : Because you are not important enough.

Pipi : But I can speak in English.

The Lady : So do I, but my employer still won’t publish a story about me cleaning the toilet by myself.

Pipi : How about my mother? She is very important to me and to the family.

The Lady : I have a mother too, everybody else has a mother. We can’t simply publish a story about mothers cleaning up the toilets.

Pipi : But I read on your newspaper on Sunday about someone cleaning up the toilet by herself in the front page.

The Lady : She’s is a very important person.

Pipi : I’ll talk to another newspaper and see whether they will publish a story about me cleaning up the toilet or not.

The Lady : Good luck with that (laugh maniacally)

Pipi : (Blur)


(After a long pause………)

Pipi : Hello, are you still there?

The Lady : Yep, I’m still here.

Pipi : Can we have this conversation in Malay, please.

The Lady : Ok, fine with me.

Pipi : Sapa nama awak?

The Lady : Rahsia, tapi awak boleh panggil saya Miss X.

Pipi : (Laugh histerically)

Miss X : Kenapa awak ketawa?

Pipi : Awak ketinggalan zaman la, mana ada orang pakai nama samaran X lagi dah sekarang ni. Bagi je nama apa apa pun. Kalau awak tipu saya pun saya bukan tau.

Miss X : Ok, nama samaran saya Misha.

Pipi : Nama betul?

Misha : Sami’ah.

Pipi : Apasal pakai Misha? Sami’ah tak best ke?

Misha : Sami’ah nama kampung, tak glamer la saya nanti.

Pipi : Ok, saya boleh terima alasan tu. Nanti kalau baca talkin nak sebut Misha ke
Sami’ah?

Misha : Nak kene terajang ke? By the way, what is your name?

Pipi : Awak cakap Bahasa Inggeris.

Misha : Sorry, apa nama awak?

Pipi : Nama saya Pipi.

Misha : Nice name.

Pipi : Terima kasih tapi awak cakap Bahasa Inggeris lagi sekali.

Misha : Maafkan saya. Sekejap ye, saya ada incoming call.

(I was put on hold for about one minute)

Misha : Hello, Pipi, are you still there?

Pipi : Ye, cakap je la bahasa apa yang awak suka.

Misha : Ok, let’s go back to the original issue then.

Pipi : Pasal apa? Oh yes, pasal toilet tadi.

Misha : Ye, toilet. Bukan kita tak mau publish cerita pasal toilet, tapi you must be a really important person in the country to have your story published in the mainstream newspaper.

Pipi : Boleh define important?

Misha : You must be someone who represents the country to any international forum or meeting. Mesti pandai berdebat dan kelihatan hebat di mana mana forum antarabangsa yang hurufnya berakhir dengan “O” macam WHO ke, kalau hujung huruf A pun boleh jugak. Tapi kalau GTO atau FTO, kita tak akan ambik kira.

Pipi : Ooooooooo (terpegun)

Misha : Imagine this, setiap hari berjuta juta orang cuci tandas sendiri. Makcik yang kerja cuci tandas tu memang dah sah akan cuci tandas, balik rumah cuci tandas lagi. Abang yang kerja kat R&R PLUS pun cuci tandas. Kalau kita nak publish cerita pasal orang cuci tandas sendiri, kita kene buat satu suratkhabar lain pulak, macam Utusan Tandas ke, Mingguan Tandas ke. The problem is orang tak mau baca or advertise dalam suratkhabar macam tu.

Pipi : I could not agree anymore. But then macam mana hari tu boleh keluar cerita pasal cuci tandas? Kat muka depan pulak tu.

Misha : As I said, you must be a very important person!!(Suara dah agak tinggi)

Pipi : Ok ok, I got your point.

Misha : Do you have any other things to say?

Pipi : Nope, I think I can accept the fact that I am not important enough to have my story published in any mainstream newspaper.

Misha : Good, now can I tell you something?

Pipi : What?

Misha : You are an idiot!

Pipi : Oh, no big deal. I got that a lot. I have to go now, nak kena pegi cuci tandas.

Misha : Ok, till next time, kalau ada isu call saya la. Awak boleh call handphone saya, ni phone personal tau, saya single lagi ni. Ambik nombor ni 019 - *******.

Pipi : Ok. I will do that. Thanks and goodbye....

Misha : Bye…..