Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia

``Pada keseluruhannya, pencapaian calon sangat membanggakan dan saya amat berpuas hati dengan prestasi murid yang menduduki SPM pada tahun lepas,'' - Ketua Pengarah Pelajaran, Datuk Dr. Ahamad Sipon

For those yang betul betul berjaya, I mean, really excel, yang jadi top student kat Malaysia (2-3 orang je), ini adalah masa anda untuk mengecapi hidup glamour. Don’t be surprise if you are approached by the stationery manufacturer to act in one of those commercials. Jangan pikir panjang panjang, just accept the offer. Bukan susah sangat pun berlakon dalam iklan pensel or pemadam. Senyum, angkat tangan tunjuk pensel, pastu buat muka manja sikit and you are done. Diorang tak boleh marah sebab anda bukan pelakon iklan professional. Kalau nak jadi pelakon, buat pe susah2 belajar kan?kan?kan?

You will be definitely being invited to one of that talk show on national television, Selamat Petang Malaysia ke, Malaysia Hari Esok ke to share the story of your success. The common question would be “ Boleh beritahu apakah rahsia kejayaan anda?” Please avoid the typical answers such as:-
- saya belajar bersungguh sungguh
- saya bijak membahagikan masa
- saya menumpukan perhatian dalam kelas
- saya selalu berbincang dgn guru dan rakan rakan (tapi apasal rakan anda tak jadi top student jugak? Strange eh? Dan cikgu anda pun bukan top student gak masa sekolah dulu.

Semua jawapan yang di atas adalah jawapan stereotype yang semua pelajar tahu, but so far we have never seen 120,000 student score 15As by following the above methods.

Instead, if you are being asked to same question, try to answer as follows:-
- itu rahsia saya, kalau saya beritahu semua orang takkan menjadi rahsia lagi. Then you ask the host of the tv show, awak nak kongsi rahsia awak dengan semua rakyat Malaysia ke?
- Saya pakai pensel magik Steadyler (remember, you must mention the name of the pencil that you were using in the commercial act), the pencil will point to me which is the correct answer. If the pencil screws up, there is a magic eraser that would correct the mistake.
- A friend of my father works in the Ministry of Education, tukang buat soalan peperiksaan.
- Kawan mak saya kerja kat kilang cetak soalan periksa.
- I am damn smart, genius etc.
- Kalau malas sangat jawab je, saya bernasib baik.

However, please remember that your fame, like the “bintang-bintang” reality shows is seasonal. People will only remember the champion of the latest season. Please be prepared for this kind of thing so that you will not feel upset when next year’s SPM result is announced.

For those who are not successful, this is not the end of your life (unless you commit suicide). Tengok balik where did you screw up. Nasib tak baik ke, salah spot soalan ke. But then, kalau anda sememangnya tak belajar bersungguh sungguh, it’s nobody fault. Bak kata pepatah Melayu “ Sesal dulu berpendapatan, sesal kemudian berpendapatan jugak tapi tak tinggi la”. Kerja kilang pun ada pendapatan tetap.

Sila ambil perhatian, anda tidak akan mendapat simpati dari Kementerian Pelajaran dan mengubah keputusan peperiksaan dengan terjun dari bangunan. Keputusan adalah muktamad. Terjun menerjun tidak akan dilayan.

Again, for those who are successful, congratulations! And for those who are not, there are lots of other ways to be successful in your life. Takleh masuk universiti, boleh try masuk akedemi, tapi kalau takat Akedemi Fantasia tu takyah la.